


Hold Onto Me.

by melikaioke



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-05-22 10:13:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6075420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melikaioke/pseuds/melikaioke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leanne has an opportunity to move on and start her life over, away from Angels Memorial. But her recent relationship with Ed makes her decision harder than she imagined. AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The contract was teasing her, it was trying to get her to make the ultimate decision to leave Los Angeles and move to New Jersey. She had been presented the offer from John Hopkins two weeks ago. They were offering her the position of Chief Attending of emergency medicine, as well as the Director of the residency program. It was a great opportunity, one she had been waiting for for some time, an opportunity to start fresh, to move her life in a more forward direction, a move she had been wanting to make since the accident.

Six months ago she wouldn't have hesitated. She would have resigned at Angel's Memorial, packed up her life and taken the offer, but so many things had changed within those six months. And one of those things was currently sitting in her living room watching a baseball game. 

Leanne hadn't meant for things to develop between her and Ed. But it just came so natural, he tested her in many ways, emotionally, mentally, he is her equal in temper and intelligence. She had tried to keep him at a distance, but the more they worked together the more her walls came crashing down. Leanne didn't think she could be this happy again, especially after she had lost so much. She had learned to deal with her pain, after the accident she had put her career first, had consumed herself in new medical discoveries and trials. She buried herself in work, she worked harder at making herself a better doctor, and now she was second guessing everything she had vowed to do. 

Sighing she pinched the bridge of her nose. She only had two more weeks to decide, to tell him. When she heard the shuffle of his feet she turned towards the hallway, hearing him come closer she grabbed the contract and folded it back up. Leanne shoved it in the drawer in the middle of the island and leaned her back against the counter. 

Ed stepped into the kitchen with his empty beer bottle and smiled at her. Softly she smiled back and cleared her throat, “How is the game?”

He put the bottle in the recycle bin and shrugged, “We are losing, so not so good.” 

Nodding she went to move from the counter and changed her mind. Sighing again she looked towards him, “Ed, we need to talk.”

Leanne could feel the light mood quickly change. He nodded and moved towards her. The nerves rose in her throat as she stood up straighter and took his hand. She lead him to the kitchen table and motioned for him to sit. She could tell he was nervous, he shifted uneasily in his chair and leaned back. 

“What's going on, Leanne?” 

Before sitting down she moved back to the island and retrieved the contract. Going back to the kitchen table she sat down next to him. She picked at one of the corners of the contract and sighed softly. It was now or never, she couldn't keep this from him. He had a right to know. 

Unfolding it she set it out before him. Not waiting for him to say anything or much less glance at it she straightened her back and took in a deep breath, “Two weeks ago John Hopkins sent me this contract..” 

“Position for Chief Attending.” 

She bit her lip and watched his face change from a small nervousness to a type of fear. Nodding she furrowed her brows. 

“This is what I have always wanted, especially after the accident...it's not Angels, but it's still a teaching hospital.”

Ed looked up from the contract and over to his significant other. He had known Leanne before and after her accident. When he had first met her she had shared her goals of going to a new hospital. And he found after the accident that those goals only got stronger and more reachable. 

But he thought that had changed, especially after their relationship took a romantic turn. He supposed now that he was wrong. 

“In New Jersey…” 

He slumped his shoulders in defeat. Leanne was smart, and she deserved ever offer she was given. But this, this was across the country. 

Leanne continued to bite at her lip, she leaned to him and reached for his hand. He didn't pull back, he never did. “Ed...You’ve known for a very long time that my career is important to me. And to be able to start fresh, where no one knows who I am...or what I've been through.” 

He looked up at her, his brows furrowed together. “So you are going. You already made up your mind.” 

His voiced started to get louder, “Were you even going to ask me what I thought?” 

Leanne leaned back in her chair, her hands moving away from his.

“Of course I was...I just, I didn't know how too.” 

He sat straighter, “Oh, that's pretty easy Leanne. You come to me and tell me. Instead you kept it from me for two weeks.” 

She nodded, “I know and I'm sorry, Ed.” 

He nodded, she recognized that fear. It was the fear of losing someone, she had the same fear as she watched her family slowly and painfully leave her. And now she was doing the same to him. 

“I'm sorry too.” 

He sighed softly, his hand going up and rubbing the back of his neck. He dropped it after a moment and looked back to her. 

“Are you really going to up and leave? Leave what we have built, for something you can have here?” 

Leanne bit the inside of her lip, she could feel the corners of her mouth twitch downward as the moisture in her eyes started to built. She shrugged attempting to push the tears back. 

“There is still too much pain here, Ed. Every time I walk into the hospital I'm reminded of what happened...I can't live like that anymore.” 

He nodded, “So..these past six months have meant absolutely nothing to you? Every thing we have been through...mean nothing?” 

Leanne leaned forward, “That is not true. It means something to me, you mean something to me.” 

“Yeah, but not enough to make you stay.” 

She frowned again, the tears threatening to spill. He meant the world to her, more than she ever thought imaginable. So why couldn't she tell him that? Why was she so afraid to say the words she had wanted too say months ago? 

At her silence he nodded and got up, he gave her a look of defeat. “I'm going to go, I'll see you at work.” 

Leanne got up and went to stop him, but he was too quick. Rightfully so, she knew this was hurting him and her silence wasn't helping at all. Instead of going to him she just nodded and watched him leave the kitchen. She heard him gather his things and then the force of the door shutting behind him. 

Sighing she ran her hands over her face. This wasn't like them, usually when they fought they talked things out. He would never walk away, he once told her that it was the worst thing he saw growing up. Seeing his parents fight and them going to bed mad and still being angry in the morning. He told her he wouldn't do that with her, that they wouldn't go to bed until the issue was resolved. 

Dropping her hands she felt an emptiness around her that she hadn't felt in a long time. She quite possibly could have just ruined one of the best things she has in her life.


	2. Chapter 2

Leanne's determination to speak to Ed about the contract seemed to be squashed by the demands of work. Every time she tried to leave the trauma floor something came up, she knew eventually she was going to have to break away, it was too damaging to let this sit for another day. 

When she finally was able to break away and head back up towards her office she went through what she was going to say. She was going to tell him she loved him, that the past six months meant more to her than he could ever imagine. That nothing needed to change, and she wasn’t going to take the job offer, that she was going to stay.

Finding herself in front of his office door she sighed and knocked. She heard his mumbled ‘come in’ and turned the handle to walk in. His neck was craned down as he read over some paperwork. 

“Ed…”

At the sound of her voice he looked up, tossing his pen down he straightened in his seat and clasped his hands together. 

“How can I help you, Dr. Rorish?” 

The title stung her skin. He hadn't carried that tone with her in a long time. But she deserved it. Nodding a bit she drew in a short breath. 

“We need to talk about this…” 

He nodded and stood, his hands going into the pockets of his slacks. 

“Well, from last night's conversation I assume you have decided and drafted your letter of resignation.” 

Leanne felt the sting of each word worse than the first. Yet she did her best to not let it show. Dropping her gaze to the floor she raised her brow, looking back up at him she shook her head. 

“Please, please don't do this.” 

He tilted his head, he blue eyes getting glossy. 

“Do what? I’m not the one leaving...I’m not the one who is leaving someone.” 

Pushing his shoulders back he cleared his throat. 

“You already pushed away, Leanne. I'm saving myself more heartbreak from whatever goodbye you have planned…” 

All thoughts of telling him she loved him slipped away. The pain in his words were too much, glancing down again her voice was soft. 

“Don't do this.” 

“Dr. Rorish, you will always have a place and position in this hospital if you decide to return. I'm sure you will be missed here among the staff.” 

Her brows furrowed as she looked up. Pain clearly evident on her face as she stared back at the stoic man that had given her soft kisses a few nights before. Nodding she bit her bottom lip, tell him. Go to him and tell him, stay and be happy. 

Swallowing the lump in her throat she turned on her heel and left his office, left him. Her mind became clouded as she made the short walk to her own office, once she locked herself behind the confinement and protection of her door she hung her head. 

Leanne let the tears slowly streak down her cheeks. Was her career worth this? Worth giving up a love she found even after she had given up. Was it worth all the pain she was inflicting on him and herself? God...she sure hoped so. 

\-- 

Leanne had given Ed and the board her letter or resignation three days later. The Board gave her back a contract stating that if she decided to come back she would have her Director of residency title back as well as open arms to the ER. 

Ed had distanced himself, only going to her if there was a conflict or a meeting. The tension and pain was evident in the air around them. But she did her best to push past it. The damage was already done, and even if she did stay she was more than sure he wouldn't take her back. 

When she wasn't at work she was packing, with the help of Jesse and Neal. Her small apartment started to look larger and larger as more things were packed in boxes and shipped ahead of her to New Jersey. The day was getting closer and closer, and she found herself dreading it more and more. 

But contracts had been signed, her ticket had been bought and John Hopkins was waiting for her. 

Jesse had tried to get her to change her mind. He had seen how happy she was with Ed, but she had assured him that this was for the best. 

Leanne was finishing the last few boxes when the knock on her door made her jump. Pushing back her loose hair she set down a few books and went to the door. Unlocking and un-latching the chain she pulled the door open, surprised to see Ed standing before her. 

Raising her brow she stood back, “What are you doing here, Ed?”

He shrugged, but he knew. 

“I needed to see you...before you leave.” 

Sighing she stepped inside and let him in. He moved into the familiar hallway, but with the lack of her things it looked so unfamiliar. Leanne shut the door behind him and turned around. 

“I didn't think you would ever want to see me again..” 

He turned to her, his blue eyes displaying the emotions he had so desperately tried to hide. Leanne frowned, she couldn't help it and instead of keeping get the distance they had created over the past few weeks she stepped forward. Her arms slipping under his as her hands pressed against his back. 

Ed sighed and closed his eyes, his arms immediately wrapping around her shoulders and keeping her as close as possible. 

“Of course I would want to see you.” 

His voice rumbled through his chest and into her ear. She closed her eyes and took in his familiar cologne. She hated herself for doing this. Ed ran his hands soothingly up and down, his chin resting on the top of her head. 

“I'm sorry, Ed...I'm truly sorry.” 

He shook head head softly, his chin ruffling her hair a bit as he did so. He shut his eyes tighter and stilled the movement of his hands. 

“Please, please don't go.” 

It was her turn to shake her head, she pulled away from him. Her eyes pleading him not to do this. 

“It's too late...I've already resigned, signed a new contract. Ed, I leave tomorrow afternoon.” 

He pulled back as well, his hands going to her shoulders. His eyes were glossy, the tears collecting at the corners and ready to spill. She couldn't bear it. 

“No its not..tell them you changed your mind. Leanne, please. I can’t...I can't let you go.” 

Unable to bear it she looked down, her brows threading together. 

“You have too...I, I have to do this.” 

His fingers dug lightly into her shoulders, “No you don’t. You can be happy here, I can make you happy, Leanne.” 

Looking back up at him she had her own tears in her eyes. Shaking her head she licked her lips, tell him. He needs to know that you love him. The words were at the tip of her tongue, ready to spill out to him. 

He leaned forward, dipping down to press his forehead against her own. 

“Please, I love you...I love you, don't do this...don't leave me.”

She shut her eyes tightly as the tears slipped down her cheeks. Leanne bit at her lip, harder this time. She couldn't do this, it was easier not seeing him, not feeling his arms around her or hearing his sweet voice. Fully pulling back she wiped her eyes, shaking her head as she squared to him. 

“No..I’m,” she cleared the hesitation from her voice. “I'm sorry, but I don't love you…” 

She saw the way his face changed, and it tore her apart. 

“The past six months were fun, but that is all it was...just fun.” 

Ed shook his head, he was no idiot. He saw right through her, he knew exactly what she was trying to do. “You are a liar.” 

He moved closer to her, his hands cupping the sides of her face. Before she could tear away from him he pressed his lips against her own. 

A moan escaped her throat as she melted into him for a second. And then she pushed away, the tears streaming back down her face. 

“Stop..I don't love you, I **do not** love you!” 

Her voice shook, and he knew. He knew right then and there that she loved him more than anything in the world, but instead she was choosing to hurt him. And he didn't understand why. 

Leanne stepped aside, pointing to the door. “Please, go.” 

Ed didn't move, he couldn't. Was she so afraid that she would hurt him.instead of love him? After what seemed like an eternity he stepped forward, reaching for the door he pulled it open and then turned to her. His tears streaming down his face, “I won't let you go, I'll wait.” 

She felt the pain rip through her body, but she straightened her back. This was for the best, she kept telling herself. A fresh new start was what she needed, what she wanted. But as she stood there, watching him leave her empty apartment she realized that this feeling of fear and emptiness was definitely not what she wanted.


	3. Chapter 3

_I’ll wait for you._

Those words had echoed throughout her mind the moment she stepped foot in New Jersey. Over and over again she replayed the last time she saw him. The pain in his eyes, the hurt as she told him she did not love him. It all could have been avoided, she could have simply told him she loved him, that she wanted nothing more than to spend whatever days she was given with him. But she hadn’t - how stupidly selfish she had been. Leaving him. 

But nothing could change that now. New Jersey, as well as the hospital and its staff had welcomed her with open arms. Immediately after moving herself into her apartment, which was conveniently no more than fifteen minutes from the hospital, she had started work. The first few days were meetings with the board and chief, then getting a detailed tour of the hospital, and meeting the different department heads. The chief of the hospital had set up a dinner so she could meet her own team, under her she had four attendings, five resident’s and at the moment six interns. The emergency department was nothing compared to Angel’s Memorial’s, it was up to date on the code, the equipment brand new and actually available when the doctors needed it. The working space was much larger, making it easy for everyone to maneuver around each other. There were no sides with curtains separating the patients, instead individual rooms set up with all the machines that would be needed. 

There was no under-staffing, each department was staffed to the appropriate number. It was relaxing, rejuvenating to know that she wasn’t going to have to struggle. The chief, as well as the doctors and interns she would be working closely with knew what kind of pace she had come from. In fact, that was one of the reasons why she had been offered the position. The chief had liked the pace, the quick learning she offered to her students. He gave her ever right to be on that floor getting her hands dirty like everyone else, he encouraged it. Of course, administrative duties would sometimes tear her away from the trauma floor, she was going to do her best to be there in the muck of it all. 

Before Leanne knew it a week had turned into two, and two had turned into four. She had been so busy getting her apartment together and learning the ropes at the new hospital that sometimes she found she didn’t have time to think of Ed. Until - now. The slow pace of John Hopkins caught up to her when she was finally settled in. The little trauma’s that did come in were a good distraction, when she wasn’t teaching, or in a meeting she was in her office going through the paperwork that would stack up during the day. Most of the time she could focus, but lately it had been a struggle. She found herself staring out the glass walls waiting for his figure to walk by, waiting for his smooth voice to call out to her when she was reading. 

When he didn’t appear she would run through how stupid she had been, lying, telling him all those things that were definitely not true so she could spare herself. 

\--

Miserable wasn’t a word he would describe how he was feeling. He didn’t think any word was sufficient enough to describe how he empty and alone he felt. He hadn’t had a good night sleep in over a month, and no amount of coffee seemed to be fixing that. Home life was depressing, and work was just about the same. Every time he saw her height he thought of her, hoping that person would turn around and it would be her, smiling and there. Every phone call, text, email. He prayed and wished it was her, telling him that this was all a silly idea and that she was coming home to him. But no matter how much he wished it never came true. She wasn’t coming back. 

The softness she brought into his life, the ease and carefree feeling quickly dissipated, and in return he went back to his cold, stoic demeanor that everyone hated and knew. What other choice did he really have? His light was gone, the happiness he had been so graciously given for the past six months had been taken away from him - who in their right mind would be happy about that? His visits to the emergency floor quickly stopped, and instead he kept himself shut in his office, unless he had a meeting to attend. 

\-- 

“You should call him.” 

Leanne’s back was turned to Jesse, who was comfortably sitting in his living room on Skype with her. She shook her head as she turned around with a fresh cup of coffee in her hand. She sat down at the bar area of her small apartment. “He doesn’t want to hear from me.” 

Jesse shrugged, “He might Leanne - he is miserable. I’m pretty sure he turned into a hermit, because that office door is always closed.” 

She sighed and took a sip of her coffee, the warm liquid filling her throat and stomach. 

“It’s...he will be fine.”

Shaking his head he sighed, definitely defeated. “How are you doing?”

Raising her brow she looked at him, “I’m fine. New Jersey is amazing - it’s,” she tried to find the words to describe the slow paced teachings of the hospital, the daunting task of paperwork, and the loneliness she felt when she came home to an empty apartment. But she knew, with Jesse, she didn’t have to find those words, because it was in her eyes, and when he nodded she did as well. 

“I’ll never understand why you left....I just hope it was the right thing to do Leanne.” 

Shaking her head again she glanced down at the brown counter top. Licking her bottom lip she looked back up at her friend, “I don’t know if it was the right thing Jesse.” 

It was his turn to sigh, and he did with heavy shoulders as he shook his head and her declaration. “Then you need to fix it daddy. Before it’s too late” 

Biting her lip she ran her hands over her face, dropping them she casually looked at her watch. “Jess - I have to go. I have a meeting and rounds with the interns.”

Knowingly he nodded, blew her a kiss and said his ‘goodbye’ for now and ended the call. As the silence filled her small kitchen she shut her laptop and tensed her jaw. She looked over at her phone, tempted to call him, to tell him that she was sorry and that she hoped they could perhaps still be friends. But instead she just grabbed her phone and shoved it in her pocket. Slipping off the bar stool she set her half drunk cup of coffee in the sink and grabbed her work bag. Slinging it over her shoulder she headed out of the apartment and to her car. 

Rounds were - well rounds. She listened to the interns give their overview of the patient, letting them catch themselves before she fixed a mistake here and there. Once that was over she headed towards the conference room to the daunting meeting with the other department heads. These types of meetings tended to take up the rest of her day, and unless there was a catastrophic event she was not to be paged to the trauma floor. By the time the meeting did get out she had a stack of paperwork she needed to get through, telling the charge nurse that she would be at home and to page her if a big trauma comes in she departed for the night. 

Back at her apartment the pile of paperwork stared her down. She definitely did not want to sift through the budget the Chief had provided. She missed getting her hands dirty, roughing it up and giving out orders to her residents. And, she would never say outloud, she did miss those four. She knew they were in good hands, but nevertheless she missed their spark, and will to learn new things. 

Putting her paperwork off to the side she picked up her phone, taking a deep breath she dialed his number and put it to her ear. Her nerves started to build as the phone continued to ring, and then they quickly faded when she got his voicemail. 

_This is Dr. Edward Harbert, I am unavailable at this time but if you leave me a message I will get back to you as soon as I can._

The dreaded beep sounded through her ear, and she almost hung up the phone, but something told her to leave him a message. 

“Hey - It’s me. I’m sure you probably don’t want to hear from me.” She leaned back in her chair softly, “I wanted to check up on the resident’s, see that Neal was treating them well.” Lies. “How are things at the hospital, how are you.” She bit at her bottom lip, the night she left flooding back to her. The hurt in his eyes, clearing her throat she willed the tears away. “Well - get back to me when you can, I hope all is well.” 

Ed sat back in his office chair, the blue light blinking wildly at him to let him know that he had a new voicemail. He knew it was her, in fact he had saw her name pop up on his screen, Ann. He wanted to pick it up, but stubbornness told him otherwise. As it rang to his voicemail he went back to his task at hand, answering emails. But that damn blinking light just wouldn’t go away, sighing he picked up his phone and listened to her voicemail. 

He didn’t think hearing her voice would hurt this much. Hearing the softness, the silkiness of her being tired after a long day. Running his hand through his hair he deleted the voicemail and finished up with the email he had been mid responding too.


	4. Chapter 4

“Can we get a rush on those labs please?” 

The nurse who was assisting Leanne nodded. Stepping aside she called over to the lab department to see if they could get the results quicker. Leanne checked the morphine drip and once she was satisfied she stepped away. 

“Dr. Rorish?”

Turning she raised her brow, “Yes?”

“You have a call from the OR - regarding Mr. Stevens.”

Nodding she ripped off her gloves and went over to the station at the far right. Picking up the phone she sighed, “I thought so - can you send me a copy of his chart and x-rays? I would like to show the students, thank you.” Hanging up the phone she sighed, shaking her head she turned on her heel and went back onto the floor. 

It was a particularly busy day and she had gotten word that two patients had not been saved. Going back over to the patient she was previously with she felt her phone vibrate in her scrubs. Groaning she pulled it out of her pocket, without glancing she went up to the nurse who had called the lab. “Watch him, if his blood pressure goes up I want you to come get me.”

The young girl nodded as Leanne stepped away, clicking to answer she cleared her throat, “Dr. Rorish…”

Making her way into the lounge she sighed, she didn’t have time to be wasting on a nothing phone call. “Dr. Rorish, hello?”

“Leanne…”

Her heart stopped, biting her bottom lip she let the door of the lounge close. 

“Ed?”

He cleared his throat on the other side, she could tell he didn’t expect her to answer. Diserting all hope to get a fresh cup of coffee she took to sitting at one of the arm chairs. 

“You sound busy….do you need to go?”

Shaking her head she bit the inside of her cheek, “No - I have a few minutes. How are you?”

Ed closed his eyes briefly at the softness of her voice. She was busy, he could tell. But she wouldn’t admit that to him. So instead he leaned back in his chair, his fingers toying with the edge of his desk. 

“I’m good, doing great actually. How about you?”

Leanne smirked slightly, he had always been a terrible liar. Nodding her head she pushed back some of her hair that had fallen loose. 

“Alright.”

When had their conversations become so awkward? They used to be able to talk about anything with each other, now it was as if they were pulling teeth. 

“Well - “

“Ed, I…” she swallowed thickly. “I wanted to tell you that I’m -”

The doors opened, and one of the nurses peeked her head inside. “Dr. Rorish - I’m sorry, but we have a car crash coming in.” 

Turning her head slightly she nodded at the red-head and sighed. As the doors closed once again she got up from the chair, “I have to go. I’m sorry. Can we...try and talk again?”

He let go of his desk, his features depicting the pain he had been feeling for the past few months. “If I am free later, I have a staff meeting.”

“Alright...just call then.”

Ed cleared his throat again, “Alright, take care.” 

Without word from her he clicked his phone off and tossed it on his desk. Sighing he leaned his head back against the rest and closed his eyes. What an idiot he was, to call her. To want to hear her voice softly say his name. Leanne shut her phone off as well and shoved it in her pocket. Leaving the lounge she stepped out onto the floor, instantly a high pitched screaming filled her ears. 

Wincing lightly she went to grab gloves and go over to the patient. Her tibia was protruding from her skin, a gash on her forehead and a broken wrist. 

“Give her some lidocaine -” Leanne looked at the gash on her head, easy fix. “Call the OR, and orthopedics.” 

Turning to the patient she lightly put her hand on her shoulder. “What's your name?”

She had calmed a bit, turning slowly to face Leanne. “Andi...Andrea. Where is my son?” 

Putting a piece of gauze on her head she nodded, “Andrea, I'm Leanne...what is your son's name?”

The young women turned away, her eyes tightening close. “His name is Gavin, he is seven, I couldn't….I couldn't find him.” 

Leanne nodded, “Okay- it's okay.” 

Looking up as a surgeon from the OR and orthopedics walked to the gurney. “She is stable. Broken tibia and right wrist. Abdomen clear.”

The two nodded and took the gurney away. Leanne sighed softly, ripping the gloves off she went to see if anyone else came in from the accident. Nothing. She turned to see the paramedics rolling in another gurney. Walking over to them she nodded, “What do you have?”

The young man shook his head, “Dead on scene. Seven year old from the car accident. 

She instantly felt a lump form in her throat. Hanging her head she nodded and stepped aside to let them move on. Going to the nurses station she called up the the operating room, she asked them to let her know when Andrea got out of surgery. 

About three hours later the surgeon called her at her office. He explained the surgery, and Leanne explained that the woman's son did not make it. The surgeon voiced that he would let her know, but Leanne intervened telling him that she would do it. The surgeon agreed and that conversation was over. Sighing heavily she headed over to the surgical wing and towards the woman's room. 

Hesitantly she knocked on the glass, Andrea sat up a bit, but Leanne quickly stopped her. Pulling up a chair she sat down and sighed. She had done this many, many times before. So why was this one so incredibly difficult. She went slowly, but Andrea knew something was wrong. 

The gut wrenching scream sounded awfully familiar to her own. She tried to comfort her, but she was quickly understanding. Fully knowing the need to be alone Leanne left and headed back to her office. Once alone she pressed her back to the door, her head hanging as the overwhelming need to cry filled her body. She didn't know if it was the fact that she was alone, without Ed or that she told a woman she would never see her son again. Or both. 

Sliding down the door she put her knees to her chest and her forehead down, the sobs shaking her body lightly. How she wished she hadn't been so idiotic, how she wished she could hear his soothing voice, and feel the touch of his hand on her back. Oh, how she wished. 

Ed looked at the clock, 2 am. Sighing he stood up from his chair in his study. Flipping off the light he went from the small study and up to his bedroom. He bit at his bottom lip as he looked at his still empty bed, deciding he didn’t want to feel an emptiness beside him tonight he grabbed one of his pillows, and a blanket and headed back down the stairs to the living room. He threw the items on the couch and sat down, his head going into his hands as he heard her voice in his ear. Her soft hello, the way she sighed. Groaning he threw himself back against the couch, the dark ceiling engulfing him as he concluded he was in for another sleepless night.


	5. Chapter 5

Ed pinched the bridge of his nose. It had indeed been a long, sleepless night. However, he had to move on with his day, but only with the help of lots and lots of coffee. He was probably on his third cup, and he had only been at work since eight. Pulling his hand away he looked at the paperwork his secretary left on his desk last night. Picking up the top stack he slammed it against his desk. He read the first few words and then spun his chair, the back of his head going to the rest. Sighing he grabbed his phone and looked at the emails he had collected during the night. He scrolled past a few, and stopped at one that listed his airline points. Clicking it open he scanned it and went to delete it, but instead he clicked the other option of booking a flight. He looked at the ones departing for New Jersey, but when there was a knock at his door he quickly exited and sat straighter in his chair. 

After a three hour forgotten meeting he returned back to the comforts of his office. Deciding to be productive he went back to the stack of paperwork that had been discarded earlier. After finishing about half of it he stood and stretched, leaving his office he started to walk the hallways. It was a busy day in the hospital, there were gurney’s lined up along the wall as he got closer and closer to the trauma floor. The bustle of quick feet, orders for medicine and beeping machines took his mind of her. For now. 

He briefly watched the trauma floor, watched as Jesse worked on a little boy, as Neal assisted the resident’s with a gunshot wound. Ed quickly found himself looking for her, listening for her familiar voice as she asked her residents what they should do. When he didn’t find it, he turned on his heels and headed back up to his office. 

\--

Leanne looked down at her boarding pass, she bit her lip as she felt a nervous knot form in her belly. After last night she knew that this wasn’t going to work. New Jersey was too far, it wasn’t the start she desperately needed or wanted. He was. Now she just needed to convince him of that. It was a risk, going back, but she was prepared to beg, to get on her knees and beg. Tapping the piece of paper she moved slowly with the line, wheeling her small carry on behind her. When it was finally her turn she handed the young man her pass and stepped through the threshold that would lead her to the plane. Finding a seat she checked her phone, she went to the email that she had previously sent the Chief from New Jersey. Her resignation was a surprise, but he voiced that he understood and that if she ever chose to return he would see if exceptions could be made. She bit her lip again, going to her messages and clicking on Ed’s number. She wanted to text him, to tell him that she was coming back. But she knew if she did he would stop her, tell her that staying was the best thing. 

Clicking the phone off she shoved it in her purse and then shoved her bag under the seat in front of her. Putting her head back she closed her eyes, willing the nerves, and fear she felt to go away. 

\-- 

Ed ran down the terminal, he checked his watch and picked up his pace. He was not going to be late for the last flight out to New Jersey. He could hear the final call for boarding and was thankful that his gate was around the corner. When he finally got there he shoved his ticket to the woman at the counter, she smiled slightly and waved him past. Only when he was settled in one of the remaining aisle seats did he take a breath. He checked his phone, making sure that Jesse had sent him the information he needed. Leanne’s apartment complex, and house number. Memorizing it he shut his phone off and shoved it into his side pocket. He ran his hand over his face and then checked his watch again. The flight wasn’t that long, but to him, right now, a few hours was going to be an eternity. Leaning his head back against the seat he closed his eyes. He wasn’t all that sure she would want to see him. But he didn’t care, he needed her to know that this had all been a mistake, and if she still protested he would tell her that he was staying. He could find a job easy in New Jersey, his resume allowed such changes in his life. And Leanne, she was definitely worth it. 

His flight didn’t seem that long, and after a few hours he was already off the plane, in a cab heading to her apartment complex. Ed pulled out his phone, going to Jesse’s text message he confirmed the apartment number. Third floor, number C113. He stepped into the small elevator, rehearsing in his mind what he would say to her when she opened the door. When it dinged on the third floor he stepped out and went down the hallway, he glanced carefully at each door number, making sure he didn’t miss hers. When he finally approached her apartment he took in a deep breath. Shoving his phone back in his pocket he knocked softly. His hand dropped from the door and smoothed down his crazed hair, after a moment he knocked again. Ed rocked slightly on his heels, he was starting to get nervous, but decided otherwise, for all he knew she could be at the hospital. Coming to the conclusion that that was why she wasn’t answering her door he turned and headed back to the elevator. 

\--   
Leanne hailed the first cab she saw when she stepped out of the terminal at LAX. Telling the driver to take her to Angels Memorial she sat back and sighed. She knew she was going to get questions, from her friends, from the people who figured she would never step foot in the hospital again. But right now, she didn’t care - all she cared about was finding Ed and telling him the complete truth. Once at the hospital, and after having tossed some money in the cabby’s bin she picked up her pace. It was nearing about the time he would depart for the day, and she didn’t want to miss him. Stepping foot in the trauma department she silently thanked the residents of Los Angeles for being there. It was quite busy, which gave her the perfect opportunity to slip past questioning eyes. Instead of taking the elevator she went up the stairs, her pace quickening as she got closer and closer to the administration floor. Going down the corridors she caught sight of his office, the placard displaying his name making her heart jump. 

“Leanne?”

Turning she smiled a bit at his secretary, the plump, older woman came around from behind her desk, her hands going out as she shrugged lightly. 

“He went home early today - asked not to be disturbed unless something catastrophic happened.”

Nodding her smile faded, “Thanks, Gloria.” 

Turning on her heels she headed down the hallway once again, this time she caught the elevator and made her way back to the main floor. Once it opened, instead of going towards the exit that would take her outside she went back to the trauma floor. Going to the nurses station she paged Jesse. 

\-- 

“And you are?”

“Dr. Harbert, Ed Harbert. I’m looking for Dr. Rorish.”

He was face to face with a young nurse, her brows furrowing at the frazzled man in front of her. She sighed and shook her head before calling Leanne’s office. She let it ring and shook her head, “I’m sorry, no one is answering.”

Ed groaned, “Call it again.”

He could tell the young girl wanted to protest, but she humored him. Three times. After her not picking up the third time he sighed, thanking the girl and walking away from the counter. 

\-- 

“I need your car.”

Jesse held out his hands, “What - what is even-”

“Jesse please.” Her eyes widened slightly as she pleaded with him. “I can’t explain, not right now. But I need your car because mine is still in New Jersey.”

Shaking his head he smiled, “Finally.”

Rolling her eyes she let her head fall back, “Shut up and give me the keys.”

Fishing his keys from his scrubs pocket he handed them too her. She grabbed them, and went to quickly move away, but before doing so she kissed him softly on the cheek and then darted by. Jesse turned and watched her go, a smile on his face, “Go get him daddy.”

Leanne was more than sure she would get a ticket, but, that was a chance she was willing to take. She drove the streets of LA as quickly as she possibly could. When she finally got to his apartment she parked the car in the free slot and locked it. Going up to the front door she smiled at the guard behind, he recognized her and nodded, buzzing the door opened. She slipped inside and thanked him. She stepped out into the courtyard and then rounded the corner to go up two flights of stairs. Leanne went down the opened hallway to the last apartment on the left, the one that had the best view in the complex. Knocking harshly she waited, her hand reaching up and pushing her hair from her face. She bit at her lip as she heard nothing coming from inside. Realizing she still had a spare key she quickly grabbed it and unlocked the door. 

“Ed?”

Stepping inside the dark apartment she frowned, flipping on the front hallway light she noted how empty it looked. Shutting the door behind her she descended down the hallway. “Ed, are you home?”


	6. Chapter 6

Leanne didn’t see any point in leaving, after all where in the world would she go? She sent Jesse a text, explaining to him that Ed wasn’t home, and that she would return his car in the morning. He told her it was alright, and that if she needed to stay at his place she was more than welcome. But Leanne told him she would just get a hotel near by. Taking his key off her key ring she set it on the counter. He wasn’t home, he wasn’t waiting for her. Truly, she didn’t expect it. After all she had done she didn’t deserve a man like him. Taking one last look around his apartment she flipped off the light, locking it from the inside she left. The hotel room definitely made her feel more empty. The large bed taunting her and mocking her that he wasn’t there. Showering and climbing into the bed she pulled the covers over her, the clean sheets smelling nothing like his cologne. Shoving them back she turned to her side and curled her body in a fetal position. She closed her eyes, willing sleep to take over her body so she could forget her nonsense of thinking he would be there. 

Morning came all too quickly, and she was greeted by a text from Jesse telling her that he would be in by eight, and that she could use the car if need be. Knowing that she would have to figure out what to do she scanned her phone for apartment listings. The overwhelming feeling of hatred for herself caused her to toss her phone lightly on the bed. Running her hands over her face she got out and dressed. Packing what little things she had back in her suitcase she figured she could plead with Jesse to let her stay at his place. She knew pleading wasn’t necessary, for he would let her stay as long as she needed. However, she felt as her actions called for it. 

Making her way back to her familiar hospital she parked in his usual place. Grabbing her purse she slung it on her shoulder and made her way inside. It was less busy than it was yesterday, and after getting word from Jesse, Neal had quickly found her. She told him all about resigning, and about how stupid she had been for actually leaving. He didn’t need to say ‘I told you so’ but it was clearly written on his face. He simply hugged her, told her if she needed anything he was there, like he had always been. 

She went to search for Jesse, and quickly found him in the lounge, reading a newspaper and having, to her surprise, a yogurt. 

“Who bribed you to eat that?”

He looked up, forgetting all about what he was reading and setting down his spoon. 

“Just this pain in the ass doctor I know.”

She smiled lightly and sat down with him. “Thanks for letting me borrow the car.”

“Anytime - so, daddy what are you going to do?”

Leanne shrugged and sat back in the chair. “Look for a job, an apartment. Try to start over here since I burned the bridge in New Jersey.”

“I’m sure you still have bridges here.”

She laughed and shook her head, “Hardly. Maybe I’ll go work in Santa Monica. I’m sure they need someone.”

Jesse tilted his head, “Why don’t you just go get your job back here.”

Rolling her eyes she pushed back her loose hair. “He won’t take me back here, he won’t even see me Jesse.” 

It was his turn to frown, “Are you an idiot or what?”

Her eyes widened, a slight chuckle escaping her lips as she raised her brow. “I beg your pardon.”

“Beg, yes. But you don’t need my pardon. Leanne, he flew his ass all the way to New Jersey to get you back. I sent him a text yesterday with your information.”

She stood up, rather quickly because the chair she had been sitting in fell backwards with a slight crack. “What!?”

Jesse shrugged, “I didn’t think, because of your impeccable stubbornness that you would come home. And when you did you didn’t give me the time of day to tell you what the hell was going on.”

She threw her hands up in exasperation, she turned around, but her feet didn’t take her anywhere. Jesse stood and shoved her lightly, “He is in his office.”

At his shove she didn’t have time to stop and she was soon out of the lounge and racing back up the stairs that would take her to his office. When she got there she saw that Gloria was gone, sighing she bit at her lip, his blinds were shut. She bit at her lip again, this time harder. Contemplating if she should just shove the door open. She decided that she would, forgetting all manners she pulled at the handle and pushed it open. 

“You know, knocking is the proper way to enter someone else’s office.” 

His chair was turned around, she could see the top of his head and it lightly made her smile. Turning she closed the door and took in a small breath. 

“I hoped you wouldn’t of minded if I just came in.”

At the sound of her voice Ed spun his chair around. Tossing the file he had been reading on his desk and quickly getting up. He was standing in front of her in a swift few steps. She watched as his face went from sadness, fear to even a little bit of anger. His hands went to her arms, and he pushed her back against the closed office door. 

“I went to look for you!”

Leanne frowned, she had only heard him raise his voice one other time. And it was the time she was telling him, yelling at him that she did not love him. Anger filled her own body and she shoved back. 

“Yeah, well I went to look for you. Where the hell were you?”

Ed’s eyes widened, “Where was I? At your damn apartment Leanne, in freaking New Jersey.” 

She squared up to him, his height not mattering one bit. “You could have called Ed.” 

He stepped closer, which caused her to step back. Her figure making contact with the door once again. “I could have called, I could have called?! What - I..” his frustration grew, “Well I wasn’t the stupid one to leave in the first place.”

This was not going as planned. Leanne wasn’t expecting yelling, in fact she was expecting tears. She was expecting him to be distant, asking her why she would ever think he would want her back. Instead, they were squaring off, yelling at each other. 

“You were the stupid one for letting me go!”

He frowned more, his light blue eyes going a shade darker at her words. His breathing quickened and his hands went to her shoulders. He gripped lightly, careful not to hurt her, but enough to keep her still. She fought, pushing her body back to him, protesting and wanting to get away. But once his lips were on her own all the will she had disappeared. His hands snaked from her shoulders and too the side of her face. Feverishly he parted her lips with his tongue, his body pressing against her own. 

Leanne groaned into his mouth, her hands reaching out and grabbing the sides of his shirt. She returned the desperation, the emotion and her lips parted for him, her own tongue darting out to meet his. Their kiss broke in a mix of needing to breath and wanting to remain as was. He pressed his forehead against hers, his body still keeping hers in place. 

“I went to look for you.”

Closing her eyes she hummed, she pushed her body against his. Her hands let go of his shirt and moved around to his back. 

“I’m sorry.”

Not for not being there. But for everything before. He dipped his head lower, his lips brushing against hers again. Leanne could feel his hands slipping from the sides of her face and running down her shoulders and arms. 

In between kisses she apologized, over and over. For leaving him, for not telling him the truth. He told her to shut up, and that he loved her, and that he knew she had been lying. Nodding to him she broke their kiss, her head tilting upward so she could look at him. 

“I love you...more than,”

Ed broke her words with another kiss, his hands going down her sides and lifting her against the door. A gasp and a moan escaped into his mouth as he lifted her more. Her legs lifting and wrapping around his hips. Their kiss became desperate again, their breathing quickening as all of the emotions they had been feeling the past few months came flooding out. When he finally broke his kiss he trailed his lips down her neck, a soft hum vibrating off of her skin as she tilted her head back against the door. 

“Don’t ever leave me again.”

Shaking her head she ran her hands to the back of his neck and into his hair. 

“Never, never.”

Ed smiled against her skin and lifted his head up, kissing her lips once more he pressed his cheek against hers. That was all he needed, and wanted. For he knew, right here, she would never leave again. And if she tried he would fight, he would fight for her and against her. He would hold on forever, because he knew that she, at times wouldn’t be able to hold on for herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter, of this crazy thing I decided to write. I hope you have all enjoyed the journey. Now that these two dorks are together I can avoid the strike threatened upon me. But not to worry! There will definitely be more Ed and Leanne in my future. Because really, how could I ever get tired of writing these two. Thanks for reading all!


End file.
